It’s OK not to label your sexuality
Did you “accidentally” take a peek at straight porn and liked it? I mean really liked it to the point where you busted your nut harder than you ever did with gay porn movies. If so, you might felt confused after that. You might started questioning whether you are gay or straight. In that case, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to label your sexuality right away.
“Am I bi or maybe even hetero? Can I call myself gay if I jerk off to straight porn? It’s just one movie; it’s not like I fucked a woman or fantasized about one. Although, that girl from the gym looked pretty hot every time her boobs perked up during some exercises. Arrghh!” These are just some common thoughts that come across the minds of those who are not 100% sure about what sexuality group they fit in.
What word to use to label your sexuality
It’s true that there are many labels for sexuality and gender. In fact, the traditional sexual identity labels – gay, lesbian, straight, and bisexual – have been broadened with the terms that have become widespread in recent years – pansexual, asexual, trans, queer. These are some of the most common labels, but the list doesn’t end here.
With a variety of terms, describing your sexuality seems like a simple task. However, it’s not like that for everyone.
The case from the beginning of this article is just one of the possible situations when people are not sure how to label their sexuality or how they feel about specific labels. (Yes, it’s also about how sometimes people have trouble figuring out who they like, but we’ll talk about that some other time.)
The point is if a man wants to fuck only other men but jerks off to porn movies that show women and men banging, can he call himself gay or has to use the bisexual label even if he has no interest in plowing a girl’s pussy? And that is the problem with labels. Even though there are many of them, it still doesn’t seem enough to describe the broad spectrum of human sexuality.
The benefits of labeling
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with using labels, and they have their perks. They help us find people alike, which is especially significant for those who are still trying to understand their sexuality and gender. They want to find people with similar experiences, but it’s not like they can go around asking everyone about who they prefer to fuck and what experiences they had. Many teens (and people who started questioning their identity later in life) find it easier to figure out their feelings if they have a supportive community to help them. And the way to find such communities is often through their names (labels).
Label policing
Why do some people avoid labels then? Assigning well-known terms to everything makes going through life simple and straightforward. However, what if you can’t find the right word to label your sexuality?
What if you are a girl who likes to lick other girls’ wet pussies, but feel that the lesbian category doesn’t really suit you? Or if you are attracted to girls sexually but you imagine yourself growing old with a man (in which case you could, if you wanted to, call yourself homosexual but heteroromantic)? What if you are a man who has only ever been with women but would also let another man drill your asshole if you liked him – is that enough to say you’re bi?
The problem with labels can also go in another direction. Just like they can help a community come together, they can also exclude people from that community. Sayings like “you’re too feminine for a lesbian; you’re not gay enough; you can’t be a straight man if your girlfriend has a cock” can be really hurtful. They make people believe that they need to meet certain criteria to earn the right to use a label.
That kind of pressure is not rare, and it happens even within the LGBTQ+ community. It can be especially harmful to those who are still exploring their sexuality. The disapproval may result in people changing the way they look, talk, or act to fit into the image expected of a particular label. That’s why some people stop using labels after being exposed to such treatment for some time, or avoid them in the first place because they’re afraid something like that will happen to them.
Forcing someone to pick
Another way in which labels can make someone uncomfortable is when they are forced on them. Sometimes, that happens with no bad intentions. For example, you are still debating in your head whether you like boys or girls more, and your overly supportive BFF is pushing you to embrace homosexuality. In their mind, they are being supportive and helping you to get out of the closet. From your perspective, they are bullying you into excepting something you are not yet sure about.
Or maybe you are sure but still aren’t ready to come out. Yes, the social acceptance of LGBTQ+ people has increased, but there are still small-minded people, and you could be afraid you’ll be discriminated. There could also be plenty of other reasons why you haven’t excepted a label. Whatever your reason is, you have the right to feel uncomfortable if someone tries to push you into any category against your wishes. When other people label you, even if the label fits you and you believe it can describe your preferences well, it can still feel like they are taking away your right to decide how you want people to see you.
Label your sexuality or don’t – it’s your choice
In any of these cases, you are allowed to call yourself whatever you choose. That is only the matter of how you feel about the word you use for describing your identity. And you don’t even have to use any word. It is okay not to have a specific label. Maybe you are not comfortable with any of the existing ones; perhaps you believe we shouldn’t make differences between people based on their sexuality, so you avoid labels out of principle; maybe you still don’t know for sure who you are attracted to. Whatever your reason is, putting or not putting a label on your preferences or changing it over time – that is all okay.
The idea that a label tells who you are or that it defines you is only true if you want it to be. Some people feel encouraged when they embrace their identity and express it with the term that goes with it. Others find that limiting and want something more fluid for themselves. After all, sexuality is fluid, and it can change over time. There are people who have a change of heart in their forties, or people who realize they have been deceiving themselves about who they want to fuck.
Also, changing a label doesn’t necessarily mean that a person has changed their sexual preference. Some people can outgrow the label they’ve been using and start feeling more connected with a different one, or stop using any label at all. Let’s say you always presented yourself as bisexual, but as you got older, you felt like the word pansexual would describe you better.
Not having an answer is OK
Whatever your reason for avoiding labels is, keep in mind that it will make some situations in life a bit awkward. Like when someone asks you directly about your sexual identity, and you don’t know how to respond. Some might even come after you by saying that you are hiding something. Other than that, there is really nothing to worry about if you choose not to use a label.
What happens when you don’t label your sexuality? Nothing! Nothing happens. You can still enjoy sex and dating even though you refuse to put a name on your sexual preferences. It might be a bit confusing to others but screw them.
